Jules’ Story

When I first got my period, I took great pride in pretending that it didn’t exist. Stuck trying to prove I wasn’t “like the other girls”, I insisted that my period wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t experience PMS or cramps, it was absolutely unnoticeable. This of course was untrue, but I kept that mask on. 

When I was 15, I started birth control. I went to Planned Parenthood alone, since my mom wouldn’t allow me to get it. On birth control, my period actually did disappear. Aside from the last-week color change of my hidden pills, nothing indicated I had a menstrual cycle. In college, I changed birth control brands because my mom was finally willing to get it for me. I couldn’t tell her I already knew what brand worked for me, so I began a years-long journey of experimenting to find a pill that didn’t cause unpredictable spotting. I went from never bleeding to almost constantly bleeding before finding another pill that worked for me. 

It wasn’t until I was 22, after leaving an abusive relationship and getting off BC, that I experienced my natural cycle. Having dealt with the pain of pulling out mostly dry tampons for years, I got a menstrual cup. I loved seeing how much I bled! I started learning about different phases of my cycle, which was remarkably consistent and graciously always started on a Friday, giving me the weekend to deal with the worst of my cramps. Sure, I hurt and was uncomfortable, but it felt good to finally be intimately familiar with my cycle. 

After 4 years of being single and celebate, I started dating again and ended up in a long-term relationship with a man, but didn’t go back on birth control. My period was the harbinger of good news that I wasn’t pregnant, I awaited it anxiously. I ended up getting back on birth control to reduce my anxiety and returned to having a mostly non-existent cycle. While it’s generally more convenient, I miss it and have a much blurrier sense of what is going on in my body. Education around birth control’s effects on your cycle (and body in general) is sorely scant and finding what works for you is mostly trial-and-error. Especially today when reproductive justice is threatened, access to this education is essential. 

-Jules, she/her, 29